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Kermit Muppet Replica
On the surface this is an amazing collectors item. It's a straight replica of the original Kermit puppet from the series and movies. The puppet is so wonderful, there's really nothing bad I can say about the product itself, if fact I'd buy one for myself it wasn't so damned expensive… One more thing to put on the wish list I guess.
The problem is the packaging. On the outside, the box's graphics are wonderfully beautiful, evoking the old-timey beauty of an aging carnival poster. The horror comes upon the opening of the box…
IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN A F*CK'N COFFIN!
God in heaven, he looks like he's on display in a funeral parlor. Worse yet his neck is all folded and weird, making it look like he'd been mangled in such a manner that the mortician couldn't fix it for display. I seriously think I lost five years off my life when I saw that. Somewhere there's an evil, plump guy (in one of those old-timey devil outfits) putting these things in those wicked boxes and laughing maniacally. |
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Ultraman Pestor Figure
Man, the Ultraman universe is a Mecca for retarded monsters. How the hell are these creatures a menace to humanity? Seriously, it seems like our karate-chopping hero is only targeting these freaks because they're a drain on the social welfare system.
This weirdo right now is a classic example of why you shouldn't let your pet bat fall in love with a starfish. The thing has its head where his junk should be… at least I hope that's his head. Maybe this freak can fly, but it sure doesn't look like he could, and if the poor bastage tried to swim his face would be stuck underwater no matter how he tried to paddle. I suppose this thing could have magic jet pack armpits or something, but it's so close to tipping the wacky meter as it is that I don't think the creators would chance it. The only thing this guy seems like he'd be good at is playing goalie for soccer… But he may be a bit too large for World cup. |
