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OutDoor Sportsman

That's right folks… an action figure line based around the most adventure-filled activity one can engage in… fishing. This slightly dumpy and middle-aged “sportsman” embodies the sadness that is fishing. He comes with a fishing rod and a tacklebox.

What kid uses action figures to enact fishing? Is it really that hard to find a place to fish in this country? Now the figures are scaled to be usable with GI JOE and Star Wars figures, but what the hell would you do with him?

“Hey Yakface, do you want to go fishing?”

“Dude, we're in the middle of a freak'en war with the droids!”

“But fishing, man!…FISHING!!!”

….not pretty…




Grow A Best Friend

I really don't know whether to laugh or cry about this one, it just evokes images of lonely, unpopular children trying desperately to buy an end to their miserable isolation through a crappy grow sponge toy.

For those of you not familiar with such novelties, grow sponges usually begin as small, chalky tablet in a shape favorable to children, like a dinosaur or a bug (man, kids are dumb!). Anyway, these tablets are put into a container of water about the size of a mason jar, and over the course of a few days the sponge will absorb water and grow about 12 times its original size. Now this toy claims to be able to grow 600 times its original size, if this is true then the tablet (about an inch tall) can expand to the size of a large infant! The kid trying to grow this “friend” would need one of those “this is not for children” 6 gallon buckets to complete the process.

The true craziness of this toy is the idea behind it. The package almost boasts that the newly grown sponge toy will come to life and be the grower's friendly neighborhood homunculi. What child wouldn't want a slimy, spongy, funny smelling, puce colored freak monster in the form of a cabbage patch kid as a friend… ok, thinking about it, kids would probably think that would be awesome (Man, kids are dumb!).



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