27A

Hercules has throughout his mythological existence fought many fearsome foes, but he's about to meet his most powerful foe yet… A doughy guy in a wrestling mask!

Now I've always heard that Mexican organized crime is a dangerous force indeed, but I never knew they had their own science corp. One night, after the mob is thwarted in their attempts to rob a bank by the fore-mentioned luchadore, they decide to find the strongest warrior they can. So using their vast scientific might, the mobsters build a time machine and use it to summon Hercules from the past. Lets ignore the machines' ability to conjure mythological character from eras gone by for now and instead focus on how it's possible that Gangsters who fund themselves through bank heists can afford the massive amount of R&D required for a time travel project (I guess things really are cheaper to produce down there).

So the mob convinces Hercules (who speaks the same language as the gangsters for some reason) that this Mexican Wrestler is a great oppressor that must be defeated. For some reason Hercules seems to have selective strength (at times he's strong enough to bend bars and push over pillars and at other times he punches people and they only fall down, not even really stunned), which may explain why the first battle between masky and him is a draw. Luckily for our lamb-eating greek the wrestler is scheduled for an actual wrestling match the next day, against any opponent who wishes to fight him.

Who will win? Will they realize they're both good-guys and combine forces to stop the Gangsters? Can you make yourself sit through this turkey? Who knows?

Moment of Madness: The Lochedore is apparently a scientist in addition to being a crime-fighter and professional wrestler (real renaissance man this one). At one point he's working in his lab and is donning an open lab coat. I don't know what it is, but seeing a doughy guy in a wrestler mask dressed as a doctor and mixing beakers will do strange things to your brain.

Bullshit or Reel?

Bullshit. Sorry guys, but the great Santos has never met Hercules on the silver screen. Santos, for those of you who don't watch MST3K, was a popular Mexican movie hero, and has fought against just about every Universal Movies monster ever throughout his various silly movies. Hercules too has had some wacky films made about him (once again, thank you MST3K). Maybe someday these two titans will meet (there have been new Santos moves made recently), but that day has yet to be.

27B

After the apocalypse, pregnancy involves keeping your baby in a giant metal tube.

So you know the age old story, nuclear war has reduced the world to a living Gary Indiana, and allowed bands of feral cyborgs to run rickshaw over a humanity in desperate need of a shower. The last fertile woman on Earth is fleeing some Terrible Ivan-looking cyborg, in her shoulder satchel she carries what looks like a potato carved into the visage of a fetus, whom we're assured is the last fetus in the world. Thankfully for our heroine, a Lorenzo Lamaus wannabe (them 90's, those were different times) who also is a cyborg decides to help her get to some super European doctor ship that's supposedly waiting to pick her up and re-populate the whole of the human race with a single baby. Long, plodding boringness ensues.

Moment of Madness: There's a gang of mutant (IE: melty faced hobos wrapped in trash) Shakespearian types who quote the classics to visitors, then eat their faces. They're kind of like Hannibal Lector, if he had gaping radiation sores and hung out in a rusty septic tank.

Bullshit or Reel?

Reel: While the movie isn't too remarkable, it was included here for the name alone. “Steel American Cyborg Warrior!”… amazing… I mean this isn't even a foreign language film, though the acting's so atrocious that it may have been a foreign species film.