26A

The tale of Dr. Jekyll has been remade and re-imagined several times over, and a good many of those re-imaginings were really stupid.

In the battle between fast food titans, sometimes extreme measures are taken to try and secure any advantage. After hiring a brilliant but eccentric biologist to develop new flavor chemicals, a CEO of the Happy Burger corporation accidentally ingests an unmarked food additive. That night when the he arrives home, the CEO falls into a deep sleep. Upon waking, our corporate protagonist discovers that one of the chairmen of his prime opponents' company had been murdered, choked to death on condiments.

As the days continue, more rival company employees begin showing up murdered in freakish fast food related ways. The CEO soon discovers the bizarre truth, that at night he transforms into the Burger-headed embodiment of big-business rage, complete with stupid cartoon voice. The CEO tries to get the eccentric scientist to find a way to reverse the mutation, which inspires the burgerman to start making his own moves against the CEO, including insane threatening videos where the beef-brained freak displays how he's in control by putting a gun barrel in his… bun?

Now if Sandwich boss didn't have enough problems, the victimized rival company starts becoming wise to the machinations of the Machiavellian meat man. Confronted with this information, they don't go to the police, but instead do the logical thing and embark on their own fast food warrior program. What results is a mess of fatty carbohydrates and truly empty calories.

Moment of Madness: The burger man gets a prostitute! You think clown porn is horrifying?!… You know nothing!

Bullshit or Reel?

Bullshit, It really does seem like something that Troma would make, doesn't it? While one can't watch “Dr. Jekyll, Mr. McCheese,” there are plenty of odd, awful re-imaginings of this classic, most notably is “Mr. Jekyll, Ms. Hyde” and others of that gender-bending, Ranma ½ ilk.

26B

After a nuclear war, mankind is in a pretty bad state: Bombed out waists where cities used to be, human sized mutant amphibian gangsters, and death squads roaming the waists in pink vans. Enter Sam Hell, a man with a gift special to this world: he hasn't been rendered sterile by radiation.

While Sam is fortunate enough to have a gun that ain't full of blanks, his luck runs out about there. Sam gets arrested for having slept with a governor's daughter, but his death sentence is pardoned when his little talent is discovered and he's instead drafted for a crazy commando mission. Apparently days earlier, a bunch of fertile women were captured from government custody and taken in secret to a city of frog mutants, and the feminilitary complex that now runs things need Sam to rescue and nastily the damsels. Now Sam's none to pleased with this idea, but there's little he can do about it because he's been fitted with a chastity belt-like device that, if he strays too far from his captors, will cause his special purpose to explode. What follows is a mad-cap, Mad Max romp full of silly sup-plots, ridiculous premises, and god-awful rubber baddies.

Moment of Madness: There's a scene where one of Sam's female jailers is captured by the frog king, who wants to get the nasty on with her. In the process of this, something called “the dance of the three serpents” occurs… Involving his prehensile penis (or possibly penisi). I really don't know what he's equipped with below his loincloth, but whatever it is, that fabric vibrates like a cloth sack full of kittens!

Bullshit or Reel?

Reel, this immortal classic is “Hell goes to Frogtown” (yes, that IS its name). The part of Sam Hell is played by none other than Roddie Piper of WWF fame, some of which are likely to appear here in the not to distant future.