20A

Man, Italian knock-offs of American movies are just silly. After an atomic war devastates the cardboard cities of humanity, the resulting waistland is ruled by an army of weird homosexual Stormtrooper types called the Templars, who run down all they encounter. These guys drive cars so crazy that they'd make the crew from “Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors” blush, oftentimes dis-batching helpless pedestrians with extendo-arm saw blades or short ranged flame throwers when simply running the shmucks over would be easier. Thankfully for the dirty dedicines of this surprisingly ruin-free nuclear holocaust, the roads are under the protection of Snake (or Blade or some crap).

Now Blade doesn't have to fight the good fight alone, he's aided by an arrogant dick with a bow (who, despite the fact that his only weapon IS a bow and arrows, somehow kicks way more ass then the guy with the explodo-gun and the super car) and a five year old who lives alone in a dump and does all of Slashes car work for him, to which he is rewarded by being abandoned alone yet again to live in filth. These three decide to team up to save a small band of transients and their robo-priest hooker, and to save the world from the Templar menace and their push to exterminate all remaining humanity with extendo-scissors.

Moment of Madness: At one point Stab is captured by the Templars, who decide to “punish” him before they kill him. This punishment involves tying him to a scrap iron frame, and all gather around while a hydrolic rape machine violates poor Shank… You have to admit, it is horrifying.

Bullshit or Reel?

Reel, the movie is called “Warrior of the Waistland” in America, but probably has about 8 other names that are way more retarded. Again, as with a previously mentioned movie, I broke my rule of not using screencaps from movies I'm going to review and grabbed a few images for the borders (last one, I promise… for now anyway). By the way, the bow guy is played by Fred “the B-movie” Williams… rock, rock on!

20B

Now slasher flicks are an odd and tasteless creature indeed. Usually they involve a wronged individual, who has gone insane, and runs around in the shadows killing folks in grotesque and usually highly creative ways. Now as these types of flicks are so plentiful, they need to develop a personal gimmick to hook the audience, from killers who think they're vampires (Martin) to supernatural face melted nerd zombies (Return to Horror High). Of all of them that I've seen, this one has by far the most tasteless twist.

Our story begins in a hospital for the disabled. A husband is having an argument with the doctors about allowing his vegetative wife to die because she's brain dead and he is soon going to go bankrupt as a result of the care bills. He gets mad and blurts out how he hates all the cripples of the world before the doctors throw him out.

Now if you were in a situation and it drove you to become a serial killer, you'd think that you'd want to go after the HMOs, who push horribly dehumanizing policies simply to make more money, or maybe the doctors who could care less for the situation your in. Despite all the potential semi-legitimate target groups, our maniac decides to go after the cripples and paraplegics in the hospital.

So most of the movie involves the crazy whittling down the cast of disfigured characters. Watching this flick really hits home the sickness of the genre. From a hideous wheelchair chase scene to an old woman being beaten to death with her own prosthetic leg, there's just a lot of wrong here.

Bullshit or Reel?

Bullshit… I hope. I admit that this is probably the most wrong thing I've ever created, but at the same time I can only hope that by stating it now I can somehow short circuit the possibility of it actually becoming a real film. It's sort of a sympathetic magic thing, but in situations such as these you use any weapon you can get.