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19A
There's an old Chinese curse which states “May you live in interesting times, and attract the attention of important people,” the originators of the curse must have had this film in mind. A man is driving home one morning when a meteorite fragment strikes him in the spine. Remarkably he isn't instantly killed, and although the doctors are unable to remove the fragment, the man was able to make a more or less complete recovery. One morning the man awakes to the sound of radio static broadcasting through the house, and after searching the house he comes to the realization that the sound is emanating from the fragment and up his back.
The noise begins to drive the man nuts, and he's about to shoot himself in the head when he starts to understand words within the static. He begins jotting down what he thinks the rock is broadcasting, and comes to the conclusion that aliens are interested in him doing… things (he's not always clear on what)… in order to save mankind. So the man is running around his town doing crazy things like building giant scrap iron towers or standing on top of the General Store naked while screaming gibberish through a megaphone. Throughout the movie the town becomes more and more convinced that the man's lost his mind, and they very soon start making efforts to detain the confused crusader. As the towns people drive our mad hero into a barn, a giant UFO shows up, upon which our hero realizes that whatever noises he was picking up weren't actually broadcasts from aliens like he thought… or were they?
Moment of Madness: Our hero's attempts to enact what he believes to be the will of the aliens is hilarious. The best (and kind of creepiest if you actually think about it) is when the hero enters a co-workers house with the mission of screaming tones at her baby in an attempt to match his voice with the kids. When the mother tries to stop him, he very calmly and astutely states “Ma'am, if you'd please. I'm trying to work here.”
Bullshit or Reel? |
Bullshit or Reel: Bullshit. Since I don't really have anything to talk about here, I'll just mention that the other day I saw a trailer for the re-make of “The Hitcher”… seriously, why? |
19B
Divorces are a messy business. Enter Steve Cox, the Gambling King: An Ex crime lord ( A James Bond type who often dresses like a Kung-fu Dominican Mafioso) who was just released from prison after being sent up the river by his wife. Fearing his wrath, Cox's ex-wife (who has in the past decade become the dominant power in Hong Kong organized crime) decides to invest in some protection by paying a man to brainwash a priest to create an army of Chinese Vampires (convoluted you say? We're only getting started). Besides fearing for her life, Cox's ex also wants to find a hidden stash of gold that Cox secreted away before his capture, so she hires some of the men who are suppose to be loyal to him (I think) to find where it is. With all this trouble to contend with it'd seem like mr. Cox doesn't stand a turd's chance in toilet town, thankfully for him he has the help of some guy who can turn into a silver “Prince of Space”-looking dude, and has magical powers, or some crap.
Like many Hong Kong action epics, there's a hell of a lot of stuff that doesn't seem to make a lick of sense. Near the beginning of the film there's a scene where ninjas show up (though for the life of me I'm not sure why) at a prison looking for Steve to kill him, only to be killed by the vampires. To train himself to fight the vampires, Prince of Space is subjected to a strange ceremony where dolls are thrown at him and disappear, at times making him dance like Michel Jackson. Cox's Ex in the movie is about to marry the chief of police, who is somehow oblivious to her dealings as queen of the underworld, even though she conducts much of her business WITH HIM IN THE ROOM! Also, apperantly you can train vampires to be ninjas by throwing paint at them, command those vampires with bells, and make somebody throw up about three pounds of frogs and snakes after burning their voodoo doll… Now we know…
Moment of Madness: Oh… so many… If nothing else, I thing the police commissioner's line “She never mentioned any vampires to me!” needs to be known world wide.
Bullshit or Reel? |
Reel, this is the Hong Kong “classic” Devil's Dynamite, and it reeks of the 70's. If this is what that country's known for, it's a wonder China wants them back at all. The truly crazy thing about this piece is that it's supposedly part of a series… egads
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