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15A
Our film begins near the end of WW2, when an allied tank brigade storm into a Nazi black-mass which was being held in a concentration camp. During the battle, a tank parks on the central glyph in the camp, and after the Nazis are defeated the tank lurches forward, running over its celebrating crew.
We jump ahead to modern day (or at least modern when the movie was made) where the tank has been made into a park monument in a small town. One night the tank is struck by lightning and it comes to life, starting a rampage of sorts through the countryside. After running over a few people (including a woman in a tent who was tricked into showing a guy her boobs in an attempt to keep him from going into sugar shock) the town starts to get concerned, but all too late. The tank destroys the bridges out of town, then runs riot in a spree of shooting, running people down, and (somehow) tethering people to it's back and dragging them around. The only one who knows what's going on is the only survivor of the tank platoon, who says that the tank needs to be shot down the cannon barrel to kill it (Boy, you'd think they'd remove the mechanisms that make the tank run, or at least the shells, before the government would turn it into a statue).
Moment of Madness: The old tank commander is unintentionally hilarious in this movie. Even before the demon tank riots, the old man is giving crazy speeches about how that damnedable monstrosity killed his boys! The absolute best is when the tank crashes through a barrier the town tries to erect near the films finale, eliciting the cry from the ancient codger “Damn you, Tank!”
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Bullshit or Reel? |
Bullshit. sorry folks, but if you really want to partake in this one you'll just have to settle for “Killdozer,” “Maximum Overdrive,” “Trucks,” or just give your sugared up 6 yr old cousin a box of matchbox cars and some army men and send him to a sandbox for some well scripted fun. |
15B
Many movies don't seem to know what they want to be, and often change the premise of the movie on a dime… this here's one such movie.
We start with a crack team of secret government/corporate soldiers who assault an ancient castle, only to get attacked by a werewolf. You'd think that the movie would be about the werewolf, and you'd be wrong.
Restart 1: The movie shifts focus to one of the soldiers that was wounded. The company's head realizes that his friend is turning into a werewolf himself, and decides that the prudent course of action to follow would be to do nothing. Soon the bosses wounded friend is pissing himself during corporate meetings, and the boss has him shot and frozen.
Restart 2: Ten years pass, and the corporation is working on all sorts of crazy new science stuffs. The old business owner decides that it would be a great idea to resurrect his crazy werewolf buddy and give him metal skin for some reason. Tragically, the old corporate leader failed to take into account the fact that he had no plan on how to control the completely insane metal wolf monster, and wackiness ensues.
Now these change-ups in the plot wouldn't have been so bad, but it was more than half the movie before we finally get to the main plot!
Moment of Madness: The moment when the aged businessman finally meets the iron werewolf, it's revealed that the old man's angle to control the werewolf was that they were buddies at one point… completely ignoring the fact that part of the reason he put down the wolf soldier originally was because he was feral. Smooth move, Ex-lax!
Bullshit or Reel? |
Reel, this turkey's name is “Project: Metalbeast,” and it is emblematic of the type of copycat horror flicks of the 80's. This ones' fun in a “I'll just make up my own AD&D monsters” kind of way.
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