11A

Jessie is a contestant in a beauty pageant, and in that cutthroat world you must take every advantage you can get…even if it involves killing your opposition and turning them into beauty Enimas. It's sad how society drives women to have poor self-esteem, and when Jessie gets into the competition she gets so harassed that she begins to believe that she needs to look better, and the only way to do it is by consuming the strength of others like in an old ancient ritual. Now Jessie's no cannibal, she won't even eat meat (as is reviled in an embarrassing scene where she's informed by her effeminate, hairdresser roommate that “like, meat is murder”), so she decides to use the back way in. As the flick goes on, our charming heroine starts liking the process a bit too much, and starts whacking her competition for no reason what so ever, until building up to one of the dumbest finales this side of that mountain what with the eyes.

Moment of Madness: The first time our plucky young heroine “ingests” one of her victims, there's a weird montage where Vikings around a fire are eating dead people and gaining supernatural power from it. Because of the way the cutting occurs, it makes it seem like anal stimulation summons demonic Norsemen.

Bullshit or Reel?

Bullshit, This movie totally doesn't exist…I hope. Oh god, it probably does, what kind of a world do we live in?! AAAAGH!!!

11B

The film begins with a ancient tapestry (which is on screen for WAAAAY to long) where we learn that the myth of the Minotaur was real, and that when he died his body was split into several pieces and hid across the world inside artifacts. Fast forward to modern day, where a family of rich English barons (who made their fortune off of cornering the wichteshire sauce market) have acquired a giant ancient metal bell to put in their museum, but it gets cracked while it's being unloaded. Meanwhile, an up and coming Christian death metal rock band called “Lividikiz” is trying to get a gig, and somehow finagles a friend into hiring them for the re-opening of that dumb guys museum (or whatever it is). Anyway, during the overnight setup for the public opening the bell breaks open, unleashing the Aciditaur (a minotaur with acid for skin), who chases the Rock band, two couples from the dumb rich family, and a few other random people through the now powerless, maze-like museum (which apparently doesn't have a “You are Here” information stand). Near the end of this train wreck, one of the random people reveal themselves to be the original Minotaur (…wait, what?), who's traveling the globe trying to destroy the evil versions of himself.

Moment of Madness: Apparently the original Minotaur trained under Nostrodamus, who unleashed him and then taught him the power of, among other things, transformation (because Nostodamus was well known in history as a shape-shifter).

Bullshit or Reel?

Bullshit, though not as much as you might hope. Besides the fact that about two thirds of the movies produced by the Sci-fi channel are similar to this little fib, there's also a fan site for this fake movie, written by my pal Mike David. I'll post it soon. Aciditaur forever, bitches!!!