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9A
Our movie opens on a platoon of mercenaries who land on an uncharted Island. After shooting a guy through the face and then urinating into the smoking hole where his face used to be, the band is quickly disposed of by a point of view shot. Our movie then jumps ahead to the near future (1981), where a rich retard and his retard entourage land on the island in the hopes of throwing a crazy party full of fun illegal things. In the process of cleaning up the island for the party the group finds some weird Mayan-style ruins, as well as hieroglyphs painstakingly markered onto styrophome depicting a giant mantis eating some trees or something. Some of the workers who are brought to the island to prepare it for the party disappear after seeing a dude in robes with a mantis mask on, but the rich guy says their just drunk somewhere and the party goes on anyway. Around this point there is sort of a romance brewing between a trashy blonde chick and a guy who'd be our protagonist if he wasn't so whiney and European, but it has about as much chemistry as humping turtles do. So the party begins, and all these boring rich people neander around when the bug guy shows up and starts making people burst into flames, and claims that everyone will be food for the coming mantis monster.
Moment of Madness: The mantis guy is, near the end of the movie, revealed to be the guy with the hole in his head from the movie's beginning. The reason for this is never explained.
Bullshit or Reel? |
Bullshit, though with a few minor alterations, this review could easily describe pretty much any Italian horror movie made in the 70's. |
9B
This is “The Muppet Show” from hell. A group of puppet people living in an all animal puppet world are assembling a family tv show, but pretty much everyone involved in the enterprise is demented and horrible. There's the head manager (a walrus who's in with the mafia, produces snuff videos on the side with the aid of a bondage cow, and is constantly humping a cat puppet in scenes that will put you off sex forever), the coyote art director (who is forever trying to get musical numbers about sodomy into the show), the Hippo singing star (an overeating fading starlit who's a little too anatomically correct), the rabbit movie star (who contracts a horrible disease after participating in an orgy), and a number of other absolutely revolting characters. In a rather bizarre scene, we see the heroine junky frog have a Nam flashback that basically re-enacts “The Deer Hunter”
Moment of Madness: In a particularly crazy scene, the walrus is golfing with his drug contact. The contact coughs at an in-opportune time to throw off the walrus's hit. In retaliation, the walrus throws up on the contact during his swing. The most disturbing part of this is that the vomit has a partially digested fish guy in it who's still alive and talking.
Bullshit or Reel? |
Believe it or not this one's Reel, and made by none other than Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings and King Kong). Man, if you ever want to blow your mind, try tracking down some of this guy's pre- “Frighteners” movies. Oh yeah, if you're thinking that I ruined this flick for you don't worry, I could describe it frame by frame and if you watch it, it'll still warp your fragile little mind…. You've been warned. PS, it's called “Meet the Feebles”
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