When you think of giant monsters, one name reigns above all others…Godzilla! Now if you think of the B-stringers of the giant monsters, one name… oh who am I kidding, you don't think of them, but if you did you'd know the amazing freak of cinema that is Gamera.

For those of you not familiar with this most amazing of giant monsters, Gamera is a giant turtle with an under bite who breaths flames, flies through space via jet fire which springs from his retracted hands and feet, and is best know as the friend of children (except for the ones he smooshes, that is).

Now you may be wondering what it is that makes Gamera and his various movies better than most other run of the mill monster eats Tokyo flicks, well quite abit actually. First and foremost, these movies feel like they were written by a seven year old on crack rocks…more on this later. Another reason for these flicks is that Gamera is the Jackie Chan of the mega beasts, often times (1) using buildings as improvised weapons and (2) performing complicated gymnastic unbalanced beam maneuvers to dispatch foes.

Now the majority of Gamera's movies follow a similar pattern (the old school ones anyway). A couple of annoying kids that only a giant city-killer could love (3) steal some sort of rare vehicle or (4) go to sea world . Shortly thereafter either aliens show up (5) who look like hot Japanese ladies or (6) science does something screwy , and in either case, a giant monster shows up looking to kick ass. Now these monsters are often rather unique combinations of two different things, like (7) A dog and a switchblade , and have amazingly random abilities, such as (8) A battering ram tongue that shoots ice or (9) The power to shoot disintegration rainbows from their back . After the monsters break some skylines, Gamera usually shows up to take out the trash, but is often neutralized in some way, like (10) being cocooned .

Now around this point there's a subplot about the kids being chased around by sexy space aliens, or (11) taking command of the Japanese military . As those hi-jinks go on, the military usually discovers some bizarre and glairing weakness of the monster, like (12) that it melts in water , as well as a strange way to paralyze the evil doer, such as (13) playing loud music , and go about putting together a really goofy plan to wipe the baddie out. The army usually lures the monsters with something they want, perhaps (14) a huge magnet , to A specially constructed and utterly ridiculous trap, we'll say (15) A giant spinning bucket of blood . Now of course the plan fails and the monster causes havoc, but just as all hope seems lost, Gamera breaks his bonds and much like Jesus flies from the sky to destroy the giant freak and save the day.

In the true spirit of Bullshit or Reel, I lied about some of the numbered “facts,” and it's up to you to figure out which ones are fibs and which ones just seem like they should be. Please examine the pieces above, then afterwards check the answers below. Oh, and if you ever feel the deviant need to see any of these movies then try to track down the MST3K versions of them, you'll be glad you did.

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